If Only
by Willow2883
Summary: It's five days after the battle with the newborns. Jacob awakens to a visitor in his room. Wanting something only he can give. One-shot. Lemons.


**If Only…**

I started from a sound sleep. I was sopping wet; sweating profusely. Those damn drugs that leech doctor had given me. Morphine. Gave me the night sweats.

My conscious brain scolded me – that leech doctor had taken away the gut-wrenching, white-hot pain that had seared through my broken body. I begrudgingly conceded I owed him more respect than that.

I stretched my arms up over my head and a slight, dull ache throbbed in my side. I really didn't even need the morphine anymore. Five days later and I was almost perfectly healed. Sometimes being a werewolf had its perks.

I breathed deeply and froze, mid-stretch, at the scent in my room.

_Strawberries_.

And something else. Something… feminine. Primitive. Something sexual.

I pushed myself up onto my elbows stealthly.

It was dark. I could hardly see. What was up with my senses? I blinked and shook my head. Must be the morphine.

As my eyes adjusted, I could hear her. Breathing. Slowly, but roughly. Raggedly.

The silence hung heavily between us. Neither one of us spoke a word.

What did she want? Had Billy let her in while I'd been sleeping? Maybe she didn't want to talk to me – maybe she'd just wanted to see that I was okay.

_Screw her_.

I'd told her not to come back. She'd made her choice.

I held my breath as the quiet echoed.

Why wasn't she saying anything? Did she really think I wouldn't notice she was here? I could _smell_ her, for god's sake. That strawberry shampoo. Did she drench herself in it, or what?

And what was that other smell? It lingered and distracted, yet complemented her. I inhaled deeply, trying to place it. A heat pooled and stirred in my groin.

"Bella." I said her name and it sounded loud and hollow in the quiet room.

There was no response. Was I losing my mind? I knew she was there. I was just about to say her name again, when she whispered mine.

"Jacob."

My head turned slightly toward the sound, and now I could see the outline of her silhouette, against the far wall. Her back was to me, she was facing the wall. Like a child who'd been punished, in a time-out.

I swung my feet over the side of my bed and stared, till she became clearer.

Her hands were pressed to the wall, beside her shoulders. Her dark hair hung down her back, over a shirt. _My_ shirt. She must have picked it up off my floor where I'd thrown it. My gaze flowed down to her bare legs. All she wore was my white t- shirt. No pants. No shorts.

I could see the round curve of her ass peeking out the bottom.

I stood up, not moviing any closer. I didn't want to scare her.

When she didn't startle or run away, I took a few tentative steps closer.

"Bella," I used my best soft, coaxing voice, the one that I reserved for babies and small animals.

"Jaaaaake," she said my name again, breathily drawing it out.

"Bella. What are you doing here, honey?"

Maybe she was hurt. Maybe that fucking leech had hurt her. Maybe he'd tried to…

My fists clenched and a red haze swam before my eyes as I pictured him trying to seduce her. Bastard!

"Did someone hurt you, Bella?"

I saw her long hair swish back and forth between her shoulder blades as she shook her head.

I was only a few steps from her. Strawberries and sex assailed my nostrils. It was like being in heaven and tortured both at the same time.

I could see now that her back was arched, her behind jutted out toward me. The stirring in my groin was now an exquisite ache. My cock was quickly hardening like steel against my belly.

The wolf inside me took over, assessing the situation, and he saw it as an offering.

_Take her_.

I ignored him, my voice deep and husky.

"Bella."

"I changed my mind. It's you, Jake."

Was it my imagination, or did she just tilt further back toward me, the shirt sliding further up over her luscious rear end?

"I want you, Jake."

A hint of lavendar became visible underneath the hem of the t-shirt.

Did she mean she _wanted_ me, as in choosing me over Edward?

Or did she mean she '_wanted_' me as in…

My cock was literally throbbing.

"Bella." I took the last step toward her and she arched her ass back against me. Pressing it right against my ready-to-explode erection.

_Take her from behind_.

I heard myself growl, trying to quiet the wolf and his subconscious orders. But even as I was fighting him, my hands reached out and tentatively took hold of her hips. When she didn't shy away, my gentle hold became a firm grip. I looked down and my palms were _so_ close to the curve of her ass.

My stomach clenched and I bent forward into a moan, as Bella ground her buttocks right against my boxer-covered hard-on. I could actually feel the cheeks of her ass surrounding my cock on either side.

_She wants it. Take her!_

"Bella," I groaned, pushing her away slightly, trying to regain control lest I rip away the lavendar panties and plunge right into her. "Bella, why are you doing this?"

"You can give me things he can't," she whispered tightly over her shoulder.

My fingers had wandered up under her top, pulling it over her panties. A thong. A lavendar thong. I wouldn't have thought Bella even owned a thong, but there it was. My index finger swept along the silky fabric, up over the crack of her ass.

She moaned and slid further down the wall, her body bent in half before me.

I decided to see what else I could get away with. My hands slipped completely under her shirt now and they trailed over her breasts. She wasn't wearing a bra, and her pink nipples were hard. I rolled one between my fingers and she sighed in response.

The fact that she was wasn't bolting, made me brave, and I ran my hands up and down her whole body. Her skin was like silk and she made little noises when I carressed spots that were particularly sensitive.

As I squeezed her breasts, memerized at how tight and swollen her nipples became in reaction to my pinches, she tilted her head back toward me. Her hand went around to the back of my head and fisted in the ends of my hair, pulling my face to hers. Her sweet mouth latched onto mine and she poured everything she couldn't give me up on that mountaintop into this kiss.

Her fingers were trailing over my scalp, pulling my hair slightly, then shoving the back of my head forcefully against her mouth. Her lips were parted and she'd brush her tongue against mine, then pull my bottom lip into her mouth, sucking.

My hands were above her waist, grasping her ribs, as her body was moving almost like a dance, up and down, against my own. She halted suddenly and backed up against me, her spine pressed tight against my torso. Her hands snaked around my waist and slipped down under the elastic of my boxers and she softly raked her nails over my bare behind.

_Take her_.

"Bella," I swallowed. "What do you want, honey?"

"Give me, Jake. Give me what he can't."

Fuck, she was bending over again, her backside pressed against my groin.

"Give me what he can't," she said again.

"Then what?" I snatched a handful of her hair and pulled it back, more forcefully than I meant to. "Then you're gonna go running back to him and let him change you?" I pushed her hips away. "Uh-uh."

_Holy shit. Was I refusing her? _

"Jake. Don't be like that. Do this."

Her eyes raked up and down my body, pausing and licking her lips when she came to my groin. "Make it good and I'll never go back."

In the midst of all this, a doubt crept into my mind. I'd never done this before. What if I couldn't satisfy her?

_Shut the fuck up and take her, you jack-ass! Fuck her through the wall!_

I slid my palms up the front of her thighs. "You're sure about this?"

I pulled my boxers over my straining hard-on and kicked them aside once they hit the floor. "There's no going back, honey."

My hands cupped her breasts again before my fingertips tickled over her stomach, past her belly-button and whispered over the fabric covering her mound.

Her heart started thumping louder and faster, and her breath tightened, wheezing.

"You like that?" I used my leg to force her knees apart, spreading her thighs open. I used my middle finger to swipe lightly over the damp lavendar material covering her core.

She lay her back against me, her pelvis pushed forward, giving me easier access.

"Oh, you do like that, don't you?"

She answered me with short pants.

"Say it."

She didn't respond, so I moved my hand away.

She snatched it back and placed it back against her.

"I like it," she growled softly.

The thong was damp. The material so thin, the more I ran my finger over her slit, the more the fabric soaked up her wetness. I was drowning in her scent and it was making me absolutely crazy.

The thought of _him_ making her excited like this killed me. I shook my head. Dammit. Why did I have to think of _him_ in the middle of this?

"Does he make you wet like this, Bella? Does he touch you here?"

She shook her head forcefully back and forth, her hair swinging. "No, no, no, no, no."

It sounded like a sob escaped from her chest. "He only pushes me away," she murmured sadly.

"Well, I won't push you away. But then you knew that, didn't you? That's why you're here, isn't it? That's why you came here." I grabbed hold of the gauzy material and pulled it aside, running my fingers over her slick warmth.

_Jesus! _

_Take her!_

My finger found her entrance on instinct and plunged in all the way.

"Oohhh!" She cried out.

"That's what you want," I whispered in her ear. "That's what he can't give you. Right there." I thrust away with my finger, and every time it disappeared completely inside her, she cried out.

She was moving on top of my hand, pumping it. When she placed her hand over mine and pressed my palm hard against her pubic area and began moving frantically against it, I just about lost it along with her.

She writhed and seized on my hand and then collapsed against me, sweating.

My first instinct was to turn her around and face me, but some part of me wanted to keep her turned away. I wasn't quite ready to trust her, to take her on face to face. I still was trying to distance myself from her, even as she was pressed up against me and part of me was inside of her. There was that small piece of my heart that wanted to keep her turned away, apart from me.

I grabbed hold of the cotton crotch of the thong and ripped it easily in half, flinging it aside.

Hope she wasn't too attached to those.

I let her catch her breath for a minute. She didn't speak as she hung onto the wall again for support. And frankly, I didn't have anything to say to her.

I didn't really believe that she wasn't going to run back to the leech when this was all said and done. But I was going to make sure she remembered it. I know I was going to. Especially her falling apart on top of my hand. If that fucking bloodsucker ever got close enough to read my mind again, he'd see **that**.

Jacob Black would never push Bella away. Jacob Black knew what Bella wanted. Damn straight.

I was getting very uncomfortable. I was so hard, it was starting to hurt.

Bella was so tiny, this was going to be difficult doing things this way. I was going to literally fuck her off her feet. I needed to find something for her to stand on, to balance out our height difference.

I did a quck mental scan in my head of anything that would be the right height for Bella to stand on. Books were too low. The coffee table was too high. I needed a box or something. A crate! There was a low-edgedcrate on the front porch that Sue had brought over with some canned jellies and vegetables she'd brought for Billy and myself.

"Don't. Move." I murmured in her ear.

I rivaled any vampire's dizzying speed as I ran out to the front porch buck naked, grabbed the crate from beside the top step and ran back in.

I placed it on the floor beside Bella, then lifted her up and stood her on top of it. The head of my cock was lined up right at the bottom of Bella's rear end. Perfect.

She still had my shirt on, but it was sexy as hell seeing her ass peeking out the bottom, so I didn't tear it off of her.

I was so busy staring at her ass, I didn't get it at first that she was moving it impatiently, waiting for me. I leaned over her, again moving my hands up under the shirt and cupping her breasts. I kissed her throat, working my face into the crook of her neck.

My dick was between her legs, just barely gliding against her moist heat.

_Take her!_

I bit her shoulder, before I turned my head and whispered tightly in her ear.

"It's not too late. Once I start Bella, I don't think I'll be able to stop. Are. You. Sure?" I bit down on her shoulder again.

"Yesss," she hissed softly.

"Yesss," she said it again louder, more firmly.

I took a deep breath. I'd dreamt of this. More times than I could count.

I took ahold of myself and found her entrance.

This was it.

I pushed the head in and her opening clamped tight around me. I pushed a little harder and eased in a little more.

I kept waiting for a protest, or a cry of pain, but there was none. Just her answering push back to my thrusts, helping me.

I was holding my breath, and she must have been as well, as there was no sound at all in my room.

This is for you, Bloodsucker, I sneered as I made sure to memorize every detail of this moment. This is what she wants. This is what she needs. And I can give it to her and _you can't_.

I grabbed hold of her hips and slowly forced the rest of my length all the way in. When she moaned, I finally took a breath.

That had been too easy. I thought Bella was a virgin?

Whatever.

Now I could focus on the sensation. And what a fucking sensation. Heat, wet, tight, pink, mine.

_Take it._

I pumped slowly, still surprised that Bella had taken all of me with no pain, no protest. But she was moving her hips back onto me, taking all of it.

_Take her hard_.

I wanted to. I really did want to pound her into the wall. But this was Bella, and I had to ask.

"You okay?"

"Mmm-hmmm," she hummed. "This is what I wanted."

_Holy shit!_

I wished she would have figured this out a long time ago. We could have avoided all kinds of bullshit.

My balls were tightening and I wasn't going to last as long as I wanted, I just knew it. But I'd jacked-off earlier thinking of exactly this, so at least that would help me last a _little_ longer. Hell, I'd been in bed for the last 5 days since the newborn battle. There's not a lot to do lying around in bed all day. Teenage boys get bored easily.

Her hands were against the wall again, and I could feel the force of her thrusts now as she pushed off against the wall.

"You want it harder?" I asked her.

"Mm-hmmm."

"I can do that."

I pulled out almost completely, just the head still buried in that tight wetness, then I rammed it hard back in her, all the way to the hilt. Paul liked that move, I got it from him. When he wasn't reliving his sexcapades in the pack mind, he was coming up with new ones in his head.

I did it again. Tip just barely inside her, and then pounded the whole length in her so hard, her feet came off the ground. Luckily her hands were still on the wall, or she might have banged her head against it instead.

After a few more forceful thrusts, I started to get worried. Jesus Christ, I didn't really want to hurt her. I mean the whole point of her not fucking Edward was so he wouldn't kill her or maim her. And here I was practically breaking the poor little thing in half. But she kept moaning and crying out. I took that to mean she liked it. Hell, she was practically screaming. She more than _liked_ it.

She started moving faster and I was afraid I was going to lose it. Her breasts were bouncing wildly underneath my hands.

"Oh yeah, Jake. Just like that." She was panting and making little grunting sounds. The were sexy as fuck.

I reached around and grabbed under her shoulders, shoving her fast and hard against my cock. She started thrashing under me, and I just kept ramming her back on me. You could hear our sweaty bodies smacking against each other.

I wasn't going to be able to keep this up much long –

"Oohhhh!" She went rigid in my hands and I felt her clamp down tight around my cock and it felt like someone rhythmically squeezing it. She was whimpering and moaning my name.

That's right, Bella, say my name. You remember who took care of you. When you're cold and alone, cuddled up with your popsicle boyfriend, you remember who made you scream.

I let the sensations take over.

_Hot. Wet. Tight. Bella_.

I pulled her onto me one last time and let loose with a groan that came from my toes as I exploded inside her. My upper body collapsed on top of her. I closed my eyes and laid my head against her back and breathed deeply.

Strawberries, sweat and sex. Best smell in the whole world.

"Jacob, Jacob." She was still murmuring my name.

"Jacob. Jacob?"

I begrudgingly opened my eyes.

"Jacob?"

The sun was starting to stream in through my window and I squinted against the light.

"Jacob? Man, wake up. You told me to bring that video game over so we could play. I've been sitting here watching you toss and turn and moan in your sleep for almost half an hour. Geez."

I pushed myself up and ignored the ache in my side.

Goddamit.

Bella hadn't come here begging me to fuck her. She hadn't changed her mind.

It was a dream.

I snatched the game from Embry's hand and told him to get me some water before we started playing it.

I shook my head and ran my hand through my hair.

A dream.

_Fuck my life_.


End file.
